'You're confusing hobbies with chores': Expectant mother blasts husband for 'making fun of her' with gift choice

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jul 8, 2023 11:00 AM EDT

This husband thought he was being a nice guy, but he really hurt his wife's feelings with the gift he decided to give her. 

The husband, u/Level-Parsley2953, was wondering if he's really in the wrong for the gift he gave his wife. They're married and starting a family, with two babies on the way. The OP even got a second job to support their growing family, but this means his wife has been taking on more of the household burdens. That includes "nothing too major," the OP writes. But the "nothing too major" includes constructing furniture, hanging pictures, and other various tasks around the home. Those sound like some major projects to me, but the OP sees them as just hobbies. He also deems them "masculine hobbies" for some reason, although that has nothing to do with how well one can assemble furniture. 

The OP really thought he'd wow his wife with some tools to help her do her projects, but she took it very badly instead. In the comments, people tried to guide the OP towards a solution so that his wife will talk to him again. He seems like he meant well, but is a bit misguided on a few things. 

After you check out the story below, this manager insisted his employee turn on his camera and mic for a Zoom call, and swiftly learned to regret it. 

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  • 01
    Motor vehicle - 9- 'I have never been so confused in my life... I keep trying to call and she doesn't pick up' EASY CLEAR BOSCH PSB 1800 LI-2 Pal
    via Sam Clarke on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - Am I the a for gifting my wife a drill set for our anniversary? AITA It's best if I start with a bit of background information. I [M 32] and my wife [F 33] have been married for over 7 years now. My wife is currently pregnant, but surprise, we'll be having twins. Of course this is great news, but my wife and I agreed we needed to increase our income. After some discussion, we decided I would pick up a second job to help out with the costs.
    via u/Level-Parsley2953
  • 03
    Font - We plan on my wife being a stay at home mom so she quit work early. But because the twins aren't here yet, she has had a lot of free time and I noticed that she had started taking up seemingly more masculine hobbies that I haven't had time to do because of my work. Nothing too major, but she will put together furniture, hang up pictures, etc. I don't mind this, if anything I just wish I was around to help more.
    via u/Level-Parsley2953
  • 04
    Font - I saw her newfound interest in DIY projects and thought a drill set would be a cool way to support her hobbies, so I bought her a pink drill set as an anniversary gift. After dinner, I gave it to her. Immediately when she unwrapped it she exploded on me. We have been in a bunch of arguments before and not once had I seen her this upset. She yelled at me that I was making her feel masculine and making fun of her. I immediately felt terrible and began to explain myself but she insisted that
    via u/Level-Parsley2953
  • 05
    Font - I have never been so confused in my life. I'm confused if what I did was really that bad and I'm just an idiot. I keep trying to call and she doesn't pick up. Please, any advice on what I should do?
    via u/Level-Parsley2953
  • 06
    Font - thesnarkypotatohead. INFO: Was she doing these things for fun or was she just doing things that needed to be done around the house? Edited to add verdict: they were chores, YTA. Not minding doing something or even getting some satisfaction from it doesn't make it a hobby. That would've been a cute "it's a random Tuesday and I thought you might like this to help" gift. Not an anniversary gift unless she specifically said she wanted one.
    via u/thesnarkypotatohead
  • 07
    Font - Pedliberalgranny. If you had given it to her as a "Just because it's Wednesday" gift instead of as an anniversary gift, she may have liked it more. Wedding anniversaries are usually a time for romantic gifts rather than practical ones. This sort of reminds me of the time my (now ex) husband bought me a new vacuum for our anniversary. Yes, we needed one. No, our anniversary was not an appropriate time to buy it. Soft YTA.
    via u/P***edliberalgranny
  • 08
    Font - Molicious26 I'm going to echo the sentiment that assembling furniture and hanging pictures isn't a hobby or new interest. It's just chores. Also, it's not masculine to do either of those things. I do them all the time. That doesn't mean that at any point in time, I would want a drill set as an anniversary gift. Especially a pink one. She's pregnant, and your anniversary gift to her was something to do chores with. She's probably feeling like you don't really know her if your gift was some
    via u/Molicious26
  • 09
    Font - Muted-Appeal-823. she had started taking up seemingly more masculine hobbies Hobbies don't have a gender AH she will put together furniture, hang up pictures, etc. Those aren't hobbies, they're freakin chores! She's not doing them because she wants to, just has to get done. If she'd asked for a drill set it would've been appropriate but she didn't. You're about to have twins. Start paying attention to what's going on around you! YTA
    via u/Muted-Appeal-823
  • 10
    Font - This was akin to buying her a vacuum....
    via r/TwoHotTakes
  • 11
    Font - PicoPicoMio YTA: Do not gift tools or appliances on anniversaries ffs, those are house utilities. Maybe a massage spa voucher for your tired pregnant wife would've made her feel more appreciated Edit for clarity: unless your SO expressly requests tools/ appliances/ practical gifts - don't.
    via u/PicoPicoMio
  • 12
    Font - dezisauruswrex YTA, look as an everyday gift, it's not a bad idea. But this is your anniversary, with your tired, pregnant wife who I probably already struggling with the changing circumstances of her life and body. What she needed was to be celebrated and re- assured that your love is still strong - what she got was stuff to do chores with.
    via u/dezisauruswrex
  • 13
    Font - Apologize wholeheartedly(by saying your sorry and taking responsibility for your gift fail- with no "buts" of any kind) tell her that you love her, give her some flowers and gift that she will find meaningful or do some other thing that you like to do together. Remind your wife why you married her and what falling in love felt like. Good luck!
    via u/dezisauruswrex
  • 14
    Human body - christajobeans You're confusing hobbies with chores. Yta.
    via u/christajobeans
  • 15
    Gesture - atx2004 YTA... Anniversaries deserve more thought. A drill is just an Amazon order.
    via u/atx2004
  • 16
    Font - GrinningCheshieCat I think you obviously missed the mark and should definitely apologize for reading her interests wrong. But I don't think that makes you an a Her response to this is way over the top though. Upset, disappointed, angry... All okay responses. Leaving and making a claim that she "doesn't feel comfortable in the same house" and ignoring any attempts to communicate is way out of line.
    via u/GrinningCheshieCat
  • 17
    Font - Regardless, return the drill and try to get her something she actually wants. Next time, don't try to be creative - just ask what she wants.
    via u/GrinningCheshieCat
  • 18
    Font - O LibraryMouse4321. My daughters's college graduation gift was an electric drill with accessories, all the tools she could need, and a nice sturdy toolbox. She loved it. I am offended by your referring to using tools and fixing/assembling things as masculine. It is not. Girls can and do these things, too. My mother did a lot of DIY in our house when I was growing up. Didn't make her any less feminine. She was amazing.
    via u/LibraryMouse4321
  • 19
    Font - ihateeveryonetoo1. You both have odd definitions of hobbies and masculinity. Her doing things that need doing around the home aren't hobbies or masculine. Gifting her a drill set for anniversary was not the right move as anniversary gifts are supposed to be romantic. Soft YTA.
    via u/ihateeveryonetoo1

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aita drill marriage presents present gift pregnant twins couple furniture anniversary hobbies
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